Ah how things change.
It became fast apparent once getting Sonne home that we needed a bigger car. There just wasn't a comfortable way to get an adult in the back seat with two car seats. So a week ago, armed with extensive research, we began the search for our first family vehicle.
Neither of us wanted to go the minivan route, so that left us with SUVs. Eric's preference seemed to be of the huge variety while mine was on the smaller crossovers. Unfortunately, when one is 6'4" there aren't a lot of cars you can fit into easily and even fewer once a car seat is installed. And while we sat in a number of SUVs and quickly ruled them out due to leg room, we test drove two: the Nissan Armada which was okay in the third row, but not something I would likely ever consider driving, and the Volvo XC90 which was comfy and not too huge. We ended up purchasing the latter. It is a nice ride and a nice car to drive.
We have been taking time to try and get the house better organized. Part of that means getting the storage space sorted out. There were so many things out there which we had been holding onto and suddenly we are happy to get rid of so many things. A bunch of clothes and suitcases were donated to Goodwill this weekend. We also took old TVs and computer equipment to the recycling center. And then we took it a step further today and rolled the old refrigerator to the curb. It, along with a safe and our old grill were picked up about an hour later. I'm sure someone is going to get some cash for the scrap metal. Now we can once again access the weights, treadmill and heavy bag. Time to start getting back into shape! We have even set aside some boxes to tackle next weekend - impressive after years of not dealing with the clutter.
I think part of it is that we want to simplify things as much as possible. It's not that these girls making things complicated. Rather we would rather spend time with them than deal with the clutter so clearing it out just makes sense. At least that's how I see things.
As for the girls, they keep changing. Morgen weighed in at 7lbs 14oz at her last check up. That was my birth weight. It's so crazy to hold her and think that I'm holding me as a newborn. The fact that she bears such a resemblance to me as a newborn just boggles my mind on some level. Sonne weighed in at 6lbs 3oz at her cardiology appointment last week. To think this kiddo weighed about 40% of that when she was born is astounding. She looks so much like Eric as a baby. I have this tryptic picture frame and I'm plannig to put pictures of Eric and I as babies in the two outer panes and a picture of the girls in the center.
Their personalities are developing more and more as well. Sonne is the more independent of the two and also spends a great deal of time very alert and checking out the world around her. Morgen seems to crave affection more. She is happiest when she is cuddled up with one of us. She has her alert moments but those are again enjoyed most by her if she is being held. I'm not sure if her need for being held was always there or if I cultivated it by my own need to hold her when we finally got her home from the hospital. I know that in those few weeks of one baby home and one in the NICU I felt a real need to hold Morgen. That's not to say that Sonne doesn't want to be held since she certainly has those moments, but rather she is also okay on her own.
The other big change now that we've had both girls home for two weeks is that the routine is starting to become just that - routine. There are the diaper changes and the feedings. There is laundry and cleaning. There is tummy time and tub time. It's starting to feel more natural as the days go on. That's not to say there haven't been times where it has been a it overwhelming, but that for the most part it is just the way it is meant to be.
We are a family and our home is filled with love. I'm learning more about myself and my husband every day. It is a beautiful gift which I'm not sure I would have if it weren't for my daughters.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
A Declaration of Independence
Morgen was discharged from the hospital this past Tuesday. It has been an absolute joy having her home, despite the difficulty arising from Sonne still being in the NICU.
Shortly before Morgen came home, my older sister came to visit. She booked her ticket for this trip back in February. Her arrival coincided with that would have been 38 weeks of pregnancy -- the date which my OB had said he would not let me go past. Of course, we all know we didn't get anywhere near the 38 week mark. Best laid plans...
Jenna was incredibly helpful in getting us ready to bring our girls home. She organized the nursery and lit a fire under us to clean up the clutter and get rid of things we never use. There were moments when I felt like I was being bossed around by my big sister and Eric would say to me that she was there to help and to try and see it from the perspective of her intentions. She was also invaluable in helping with Morgen so we could be at the NICU together with Sonne. I would be remiss to not recognize her concern and support while we went through the IVF process. And when the girls were delivered eight weeks early, she booked a flight so she could help in any way possible.
I have come to realize that while our relationship growing up was tenuous at times, we have both grown and changed and we have more in common than I think either of us would have ever thought possible. Perhaps it takes a commonality of experience to bridge the distance. We are both mothers. I see my sister with her children and I am amazed at her patience, compassion and understanding. I can only hope to be so open and loving with my daughters. Neither of us are perfect, but I do believe we both honestly come from a place of love and support when we come together.
How I didn't see this before hand, I'm not sure. I can only guess that it takes time and effort to change an inner dialog developed over nearly four decades. I am thankful that Eric can remind me to be open to a new perspective and that my sister has not wavered in her love and support of me.
So today I declare myself free from the constraints of my past experiences and free to enjoy every moment as it comes and to reap the benefits from my relationships with my family and friends. For this, I have my sister and husband to thank.
As for the girls for whom this blog is dedicated, Morgen is currently wrapped up against me and is sleeping peacefully. We have had an amazing few days home with her. She is a very sweet baby. Of course, she hasn't pooped in a week and we would really like her to do so. That said, she passes some of the most amazing gas! The dogs ain't got nothing on her.
Sonne and I spent a couple of hours together this morning. She weighs five pounds now -- nearly double her birth weight. Her PDA (pulmonary ductus arteriosus) has closed. We had hoped it would stay open a lot longer, but so be it. Her O2 blood saturation level remains in the upper 80s to low 90s, so it would appear that we have time before needing to think about surgery.
I guess now is the time to explain that Sonne was born with two congenital heart defects: Tetralogy of Fallot (Tet) and atrioventricular canal defect (AV Canal). Both will be corrected with open heart surgery sometime in the next year. It all depends on Sonne. When her sats drop into the 70s steadily she will turn a bit blue. Then it will be time. Until then, she will be just like her sister except she has a cardiologist who she will see regularly to monitor her progress. The irony in all of this is that Eric produced "Something The Lord Made" (STLM) for HBO which is the story of the doctor and laboratory tech who developed the procedure to correct Tet. In the realm of heart defects, if you have to have one, you want the one which pioneered open heart surgery seventy years ago and which has been perfected over the decades. We are fortunate that Eric is friends with many of the doctors who consulted on STLM -- one of whom is acting as our sounding board and answering all our questions including confirming that the surgeon we are being referred to is one of the best in the country.
Anyhow, Sonne and I had a lactation session this morning and she hopped right on and nursed beautifully for 10 minutes. I would have been happy to let her keep going, but the doctors are still limiting her feeds since the NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis) incident. After snacks we had skin-to-skin time which is heaven. Her neighbor Katie was discharged while I was there and I am thrilled for her family. They have been in the NICU for 10 weeks so it is only fitting that there will be fireworks tonight to celebrate her homecoming.
Eric is with Sonne now. I hope they are having as nice a visit as I enjoyed earlier. Just being with my girls fills me with such pure joy. There are times when I wonder what we have gotten ourselves into, but even then I know that we will get through everything.
Happy Fourth of July to all. May you find yourself free from the constraints of the past and able to live in the moment.
Shortly before Morgen came home, my older sister came to visit. She booked her ticket for this trip back in February. Her arrival coincided with that would have been 38 weeks of pregnancy -- the date which my OB had said he would not let me go past. Of course, we all know we didn't get anywhere near the 38 week mark. Best laid plans...
Jenna was incredibly helpful in getting us ready to bring our girls home. She organized the nursery and lit a fire under us to clean up the clutter and get rid of things we never use. There were moments when I felt like I was being bossed around by my big sister and Eric would say to me that she was there to help and to try and see it from the perspective of her intentions. She was also invaluable in helping with Morgen so we could be at the NICU together with Sonne. I would be remiss to not recognize her concern and support while we went through the IVF process. And when the girls were delivered eight weeks early, she booked a flight so she could help in any way possible.
I have come to realize that while our relationship growing up was tenuous at times, we have both grown and changed and we have more in common than I think either of us would have ever thought possible. Perhaps it takes a commonality of experience to bridge the distance. We are both mothers. I see my sister with her children and I am amazed at her patience, compassion and understanding. I can only hope to be so open and loving with my daughters. Neither of us are perfect, but I do believe we both honestly come from a place of love and support when we come together.
How I didn't see this before hand, I'm not sure. I can only guess that it takes time and effort to change an inner dialog developed over nearly four decades. I am thankful that Eric can remind me to be open to a new perspective and that my sister has not wavered in her love and support of me.
So today I declare myself free from the constraints of my past experiences and free to enjoy every moment as it comes and to reap the benefits from my relationships with my family and friends. For this, I have my sister and husband to thank.
As for the girls for whom this blog is dedicated, Morgen is currently wrapped up against me and is sleeping peacefully. We have had an amazing few days home with her. She is a very sweet baby. Of course, she hasn't pooped in a week and we would really like her to do so. That said, she passes some of the most amazing gas! The dogs ain't got nothing on her.
Sonne and I spent a couple of hours together this morning. She weighs five pounds now -- nearly double her birth weight. Her PDA (pulmonary ductus arteriosus) has closed. We had hoped it would stay open a lot longer, but so be it. Her O2 blood saturation level remains in the upper 80s to low 90s, so it would appear that we have time before needing to think about surgery.
I guess now is the time to explain that Sonne was born with two congenital heart defects: Tetralogy of Fallot (Tet) and atrioventricular canal defect (AV Canal). Both will be corrected with open heart surgery sometime in the next year. It all depends on Sonne. When her sats drop into the 70s steadily she will turn a bit blue. Then it will be time. Until then, she will be just like her sister except she has a cardiologist who she will see regularly to monitor her progress. The irony in all of this is that Eric produced "Something The Lord Made" (STLM) for HBO which is the story of the doctor and laboratory tech who developed the procedure to correct Tet. In the realm of heart defects, if you have to have one, you want the one which pioneered open heart surgery seventy years ago and which has been perfected over the decades. We are fortunate that Eric is friends with many of the doctors who consulted on STLM -- one of whom is acting as our sounding board and answering all our questions including confirming that the surgeon we are being referred to is one of the best in the country.
Anyhow, Sonne and I had a lactation session this morning and she hopped right on and nursed beautifully for 10 minutes. I would have been happy to let her keep going, but the doctors are still limiting her feeds since the NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis) incident. After snacks we had skin-to-skin time which is heaven. Her neighbor Katie was discharged while I was there and I am thrilled for her family. They have been in the NICU for 10 weeks so it is only fitting that there will be fireworks tonight to celebrate her homecoming.
Eric is with Sonne now. I hope they are having as nice a visit as I enjoyed earlier. Just being with my girls fills me with such pure joy. There are times when I wonder what we have gotten ourselves into, but even then I know that we will get through everything.
Happy Fourth of July to all. May you find yourself free from the constraints of the past and able to live in the moment.
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