Morgen was discharged from the hospital this past Tuesday. It has been an absolute joy having her home, despite the difficulty arising from Sonne still being in the NICU.
Shortly before Morgen came home, my older sister came to visit. She booked her ticket for this trip back in February. Her arrival coincided with that would have been 38 weeks of pregnancy -- the date which my OB had said he would not let me go past. Of course, we all know we didn't get anywhere near the 38 week mark. Best laid plans...
Jenna was incredibly helpful in getting us ready to bring our girls home. She organized the nursery and lit a fire under us to clean up the clutter and get rid of things we never use. There were moments when I felt like I was being bossed around by my big sister and Eric would say to me that she was there to help and to try and see it from the perspective of her intentions. She was also invaluable in helping with Morgen so we could be at the NICU together with Sonne. I would be remiss to not recognize her concern and support while we went through the IVF process. And when the girls were delivered eight weeks early, she booked a flight so she could help in any way possible.
I have come to realize that while our relationship growing up was tenuous at times, we have both grown and changed and we have more in common than I think either of us would have ever thought possible. Perhaps it takes a commonality of experience to bridge the distance. We are both mothers. I see my sister with her children and I am amazed at her patience, compassion and understanding. I can only hope to be so open and loving with my daughters. Neither of us are perfect, but I do believe we both honestly come from a place of love and support when we come together.
How I didn't see this before hand, I'm not sure. I can only guess that it takes time and effort to change an inner dialog developed over nearly four decades. I am thankful that Eric can remind me to be open to a new perspective and that my sister has not wavered in her love and support of me.
So today I declare myself free from the constraints of my past experiences and free to enjoy every moment as it comes and to reap the benefits from my relationships with my family and friends. For this, I have my sister and husband to thank.
As for the girls for whom this blog is dedicated, Morgen is currently wrapped up against me and is sleeping peacefully. We have had an amazing few days home with her. She is a very sweet baby. Of course, she hasn't pooped in a week and we would really like her to do so. That said, she passes some of the most amazing gas! The dogs ain't got nothing on her.
Sonne and I spent a couple of hours together this morning. She weighs five pounds now -- nearly double her birth weight. Her PDA (pulmonary ductus arteriosus) has closed. We had hoped it would stay open a lot longer, but so be it. Her O2 blood saturation level remains in the upper 80s to low 90s, so it would appear that we have time before needing to think about surgery.
I guess now is the time to explain that Sonne was born with two congenital heart defects: Tetralogy of Fallot (Tet) and atrioventricular canal defect (AV Canal). Both will be corrected with open heart surgery sometime in the next year. It all depends on Sonne. When her sats drop into the 70s steadily she will turn a bit blue. Then it will be time. Until then, she will be just like her sister except she has a cardiologist who she will see regularly to monitor her progress. The irony in all of this is that Eric produced "Something The Lord Made" (STLM) for HBO which is the story of the doctor and laboratory tech who developed the procedure to correct Tet. In the realm of heart defects, if you have to have one, you want the one which pioneered open heart surgery seventy years ago and which has been perfected over the decades. We are fortunate that Eric is friends with many of the doctors who consulted on STLM -- one of whom is acting as our sounding board and answering all our questions including confirming that the surgeon we are being referred to is one of the best in the country.
Anyhow, Sonne and I had a lactation session this morning and she hopped right on and nursed beautifully for 10 minutes. I would have been happy to let her keep going, but the doctors are still limiting her feeds since the NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis) incident. After snacks we had skin-to-skin time which is heaven. Her neighbor Katie was discharged while I was there and I am thrilled for her family. They have been in the NICU for 10 weeks so it is only fitting that there will be fireworks tonight to celebrate her homecoming.
Eric is with Sonne now. I hope they are having as nice a visit as I enjoyed earlier. Just being with my girls fills me with such pure joy. There are times when I wonder what we have gotten ourselves into, but even then I know that we will get through everything.
Happy Fourth of July to all. May you find yourself free from the constraints of the past and able to live in the moment.
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